TOP: It's Time Now for a Group SIng-along

IT’S TIME NOW FOR A GROUP SING

OK everyone, join in now:

Carter managed in one day to crack twenty five riders. Between the heat, the hills, and over exuberance of the riders – it was HARD – HARD – HARD!!!

We rolled across the Golden Gate, taking completely over the west side of the bridge. It was another picture perfect day, which apparently only occurs when the temperature is set at 5 degrees above Purgatory. We were oblivious to our fate, instead merely thrilled that we didn’t need arm warmers and vests – stupid riders, stupid.

Lulled into our false sense of security, we attacked the hills, bombed the descents, and put the hammer down as we tried to break one another. It was a total success – not one of us survived unscathed – well, except maybe Gene and Andrew, who managed to smile and laugh throughout the entire day.

Now, all along I talk about the unofficial competition – in cycling, we award the leaders in stage events with daily jerseys, while looking at the cumulative days for the final awarding. For ToP, we have four Jersey Categories:

Yellow Jersey – this is for the rider who has the most consistent days, always putting the pressure on the others.

Green Jersey – awarded to the rider that has the most consistent sprinting to the designated sprint points – usually designated at nearly the last minute, guaranteeing that not everyone will be aware of the location.

Red Jersey – awarded to the rider that puts the greatest hurt on the climbs – hopefully leaving at least a couple of our fellow riders huddled on the side, tears flowing down their shallow cheeks.

Black Jersey – this one differs in that it will be awarded to a new rider each day. It has nothing to do with performance, and everything to do with the whims of Carter and I. Think of this jersey as the figure skating of the ToP – and we are the Ukrainian Judges that vote anyway we want.

So here’s the breakdown for the day:

In the competition for Yellow and Green, Andrew is holding them both. After taking the sprint to the second support stop, always at the front throughout the day, and taking the final sprint at the finish, he stands alone.

For the Red, Greg Moore narrowly edged me out with his dominant performance in the final 30-miles. This makes me the Richard Virenque of the trip – a known French cheater who would go on the attack for climbing points, only to be crushed by the real contenders at the end of the day.

This leaves the coveted BLACK JERSEY. Last year’s winner was Steve Burke – largely due to his near daily bitching about just about anything that occurred in the day (but always with a smile on his face and chuckle in his grumpiness). This year he looks like a rank amateur in the grumpy complaints. First time ToP participant Terry “the Sledgehammer” Molidor clearly has him beat.

First, his nickname, which was bestowed upon him last Friday, and is worthy of mention. Many of you are probably aware that the Vice President of these United States, Joe Biden, visited San Diego last week. One of his tours was at the EOD commands on Coronado – where Terry is the Command Master Chief. This means that he is the top enlisted man above all the west coast. As our VP was meeting some of the guys, he was introduced to Terry. Without a moment’s hesitation, he looked at him, surveying his overall statue and stated, “I sure wouldn’t want to meet you in a dark alley; why, you’re a little Sledgehammer, aren’t you!” Now I don’t know about you, but in my mind if the Vice President of the United States saddles you with a nickname it’s gonna stick!

So now on to the awarding – Terry is not only new to the ToP, but also to cycling. As he arrived at the finish, he rode his bike directly into the lobby, screeching to a halt mere seconds before smashing into the riders sprawling across the floors and chairs.

“WHERE’S CARTER”, he shouted – near venom spilling from his lips.

“Someone needs to tell the F$&#in P*^K that he needs to make shorter climbs and less miles!!!”

This was met with a wild burst of laughter, and a near unanimous decision that we have our first winner.

So to our leaders, congratulations - but really for everyone, well done. But remember, this was the easy one.